


you understand the good and bad

by the_tenerife_sea



Series: still turning out [3]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, umm that’s it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 11:31:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15193859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_tenerife_sea/pseuds/the_tenerife_sea
Summary: Shane’s first date with Ryan isn’t for another three hours, sure, but Shane already knows it’s going to be a disaster, like, worse than baggage claim hot dogs. That kind of disaster.But, with how things are looking, it’s probably not even going tohappennow.____Or, when you have a kid, not everything always goes according to plan.





	you understand the good and bad

**Author's Note:**

> My laptop is broken so I’m posting this on mobile. Hopefully it all looks okay.
> 
> You should probably read the first two parts of this series before reading this.
> 
> Title from End Game by Taylor Swift. Yeah, I was desperate.

“So,” Shane says one evening. They just put Ruth down for the night, and Shane is lounging in bed, scrolling through twitter while Ryan is brushing his teeth in the ensuite. It’s only been a few days since the Big Love Confessions, and Shane is still trying to get used to all of  _ this.  _ It’s not really different from how they were acting before, but now they both  _ know _ . Know that they’re both pretty into each other, that is _.  _ It’s new and exciting, but also inexplicably comforting at the same time. All of their actions and words have different implications now, yet not a lot has changed. Shane kind of loves it. “We should probably go on a date or something, right?”

 

Ryan doesn’t look away from his own reflection in the mirror when he answers. “Shane,” he says around the toothbrush in his mouth. He spits before speaking again. “We’ve been on dates.”

 

“...what,” Shane says back, setting his phone aside to look at Ryan. “No, we haven’t.”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Ryan says after rinsing. He puts his toothbrush in the cup next to the sink and crawls into bed next to Shane. “We have dates all the time,” he deadpans, making it sound like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re just dumb.”

 

Shane gapes at him. But then...he starts thinking about how many times they’ve gone out to lunch at work, just the two of them, and about the times Jen has come over to watch Ruth while they go to a movie. And those are just the ones he can think of off the top of his head.

 

Huh. They have been on a lot of dates, even before he realized he liked Ryan. 

 

“How long were you gonna sit there knowing we were like,  _ together, _ before telling me?” Shane asks, only half joking.

 

Ryan is quiet, then. He turns onto his side to face Shane, his face half buried in the pillow under his head, when he eventually answers, “I probably wouldn’t have said anything if you didn’t.” And Shane’s stomach twists, in an awful, sudden swoop. “I was happy just being your friend, you know? Being your life,” Ryan says. “And in Ruth’s life.”

 

Shane’s heart clenches. Stupid, self-sacrificing Ryan. He’s Shane’s favorite dumbass.

 

“So, we’ve been going on dates that I wasn’t aware of, that’s cleared up now,” Shane says, not wanting to dwell on his own aloofness over this past handful of months. “But I wanna take you on a date. A date where  _ I  _ know it’s a date, too.”

 

Ryan smiles, huffing out a laugh through his nose (a wheeze, if you will). He averts his eyes from Shane’s and presses his face deeper into his pillow, smile still present. It’s the only expression Shane wants to see on his face ever again. “I would like that,” Ryan answers. “I expect it to be like, really romantic though. You have no excuses now.”

 

Shane’s normal role in their dynamic would be to throw back a similar jab, but he doesn’t. He wants to make sure Ryan knows how much this means to him, how much  _ Ryan _ means to him, so he says, “I know,” softly into the still air of the ( _ their _ ) bedroom, and he can tell it’s not what Ryan was expecting. He lies down beside Ryan and reaches out to stroke his cheek, like he did during their first kiss. “I wanna make it special.” His thumb catches on Ryan’s stubble. “You deserve it, for putting up with my bullshit. And Ruth’s actual shit.” Okay, that one just kind of slipped out. Sue him for not being able to have a serious conversation. He knows Ryan can’t either.

 

“Oh shut up,” Ryan laughs, then says, “I love you.” And the way he says it, so casually, is dampened by the panicked look in his eyes the second the words are out, like he still doesn’t know if it’s okay to say out loud. And Shane doesn’t want him to feel like that, because he loves Ryan too. He wants Ryan to know that it’s _ more  _ than okay. He never wants Ryan to feel like Shane’s feelings aren’t one hundred percent reciprocated, so he brings his head closer and captures Ryan’s lips in a kiss, soft, sleepy, and comfortable.

 

“I love you too,” Shane says when they part. It’s not the first time he’s said it, but it feels more significant than the other times, for some reason. Maybe because they’re in the bed they share, in the home they share, with the baby girl they love. Maybe it’s the first time Shane can actually  _ hear  _ the adoration in his own voice when he says it, in the quiet, intimate atmosphere they’re created.  “That’s why we’re gonna have the best first-not-first-date in the world. You’ll see, baby.”

 

——

 

Their chances of having the best first-not-first date seem to be dwindling rapidly.

 

Shane’s first (not first) date with Ryan isn’t for another three hours, sure, but Shane already knows it’s going to be a disaster, like, worse than baggage claim hot dogs. That kind of disaster. 

 

But, with how things are looking, it’s probably not even going to  _ happen _ now.

 

First, Ruth had woken up crying, which she hasn’t done in  _ months,  _ so that should have been the first sign that today was not going to go well.

 

Then, Nancy had called him a few hours after he and Ryan had gotten to work about a family emergency (nothing serious, thankfully, but her husband’s car had broken down and he needed to be picked up from the repair shop), so he had to head back home to watch Ruthie for the rest of the day. Ryan insisted on coming with him but Shane had convinced him to stay, after insisting that  _ no, Ruth isn’t dying, Ryan, please calm down. _

 

And now, he’s dreading the phone call he’ll have to make in the next few minutes because Ruth has just thrown up all over herself, and Ryan is absolutely going to overreact.

 

_ Okay, I can call the doctor first, _ Shane thinks, holding Ruth at arm's length and rushing to the bathroom.  _ I can call Ryan later _ .

 

After he cleans up his daughter, wiping her teary eyes and apologizing  _ profusely _ because she’s  _ sick _ and he wishes he could snap his fingers and make her  _ not sick _ , he calls the doctor and makes an appointment to bring her in as soon as possible.

 

She doesn’t have a fever, which is somewhat of a relief, but she’s definitely out of it. The only noises she’s made this whole time are pitiful coughs, and Shane thinks his chest is going to cave in on itself with how much it hurts to see her in pain. It explains her fussiness this morning, though, and Shane is kicking himself for not realizing what was wrong sooner.

 

He wants to call Ryan, to hear his voice, to let him know what’s going on, but he knows that if Ryan hears  _ any _ panic in Shane’s voice, he’ll abuse some poor uber driver in his haste to get home. In this situation, calling Ryan would be the exact  _ opposite  _ of comforting.

 

He can put it off till after they see the doctor.

 

Ruth seems sleepy when Shane straps her in the car, which Shane is thankful for because there isn’t much he could do if she got sick in the backseat, and tries not to speed all the way to the doctor’s office.

 

——

 

It’s on the way home, with assurance from the doctor that Ruth only has a cold and the mucus in her throat probably triggered her gag reflex (gross, but it’s not the flu so it’s fine), when Ryan calls him.

 

“Shit,” Shane says without thinking. He hopes Ruth is asleep, or else Ryan is going to kill him for swearing in front of her  _ again  _ (as if Ryan doesn’t do it too). He wishes he could see her but she’s still too small for a front facing seat.

 

Shane taps his phone screen and puts it on speaker. “Uh,” he says, eloquently. “Hello?”

 

“Hey!” Ryan answers, still blissfully ignorant of how Shane’s day has been going. “I’m on my way home now. So for tonight, how fancy do I have to dress? Not that I mind getting fancy, fancy is fine, I love fancy, but—”

 

“Yeah,” Shane interrupts him, disappointment curling in his gut. There’s no way they can go on their date now, not with Ruthie being sick and Ryan being, well,  _ Ryan _ . He’s not going to want to leave Ruth’s side for days. “About that.”

 

Ryan pauses, then says, “Shane.” His voice has done a complete 180. “Are you in the car?” Shane winces. “Why are you in the car?”

 

“I, uh,” Shane says. “We had to make a quick trip to the doctor’s office, but everything is—”

 

“The doc—” Ryan sounds like he’s choking. “Oh my god.”

 

“Ruth is fine!” Shane gets in before Ryan’s heart fucking gives out or something. “She’s okay, I promise.”

 

“If she’s fine you wouldn’t have gone to the doctor!” Ryan  _ shouts _ at him. That poor uber driver.

 

“Babe—”

 

“No! You can’t call me  _ babe _ when our child is  _ dying _ .”

 

“Babe — Ryan, please. Don’t scare your uber driver.”

 

“Kevin is fine,” Ryan says with a huff. “Now he knows he has to  _ step on it. _ ”

 

“She’s sleeping” (he  _ hopes _ ), “be quiet.” Shane can’t help roll his eyes at the way Ryan grumbles over the line. “She threw up like, an hour ago, but that seems to be the worst of it—”

 

“She  _ what?” _

 

“I’ll talk to you at home, love you, bye.” And Shane hangs up.

 

Ruth sneezes, and Shane hopes Kevin gets a  _ generous _ tip.

 

——

 

Ryan is waiting for them in the parking garage. He throws open the backseat passenger door as soon as Shane puts the car in park. “ _ Baby _ , are you okay?” He unbuckles Ruth in record time, gathering her in his arms and cradling her head against his chest. “I heard you’re not feeling good,” he coos at her, lips buried in her light brown hair. He’s bouncing slightly, with anxiety or in an attempt to comfort their daughter, Shane isn’t sure. “Let’s get you upstairs, yeah? We’ll watch Sesame Street in daddy’s bed all night if we have to.”

 

“Hello to you too,” Shane mutters, shutting the car door behind him, but his voice is warm. He can’t help it.

 

Ryan sends him a venomous glare, but it’s Ryan, so Shane knows he’s not serious.

 

Later, when Ruth is swaddled in three blankets in their bed with a pacifier in her mouth and another in her hand (her newest habit, she has to have two pacifiers at all times or she throws a  _ fit _ ), Ryan is finally calm.

 

Or, as calm as Ryan Bergara can be.

 

Ryan is lying next to Ruth, his arm resting atop her blanket pile while they share a pillow. Ruth is nearly asleep, Elmo’s voice becoming background noise as Shane focuses his attention on his boyfriend.

 

The skin between Ryan’s eyebrows is pinched, and guilt settles heavily on Shane’s shoulders. They should’ve been on their date right now.

 

He sighs, and reaches over Ruth’s head to card his fingers through Ryan’s hair. “I’m sorry about today,” he speaks softly.

 

Ryan closes his eyes. “You should be,” he mumbles, and the guilt is crushing Shane now. “Next time, you call me the second Ruth even  _ coughs— _ ”

 

“No, Ryan,” Shane says. “I’m sorry about our date.”

 

“Oh,” Ryan answers, his eyes blinking open slowly. “I kinda forgot about that.”

 

Shane laughs under his breath. “Of course you did.” His hand stills in Ryan’s hair. “I had the best night planned. We were gonna—”

 

“Stop,” Ryan interrupts him, a small smile on his face. “Don’t tell me. I wanna be surprised when it actually happens.”

 

“Ruthie just  _ had  _ to get sick  _ today _ ,” Shane says, the hand he had on Ryan moving to stroke Ruth’s forehead. “Not that I’m blaming her, obviously. I completely blame that snot-filled brat that was playing with her trucks at the park the other day, but—” Shane lets out another deep sigh, his shoulders drooping with it. “If…if I was a  _ normal  _ boyfriend, a sick baby wouldn’t be a problem.”

 

There’s a pause, then, “Shane,” Ryan says. “Look at me.”

 

Shane does, his eyes flickering up from his daughter to the man he’s pretty positive is the love of his life. A man that deserves only the  _ best. _

 

“I’ve never wanted a normal boyfriend,” Ryan says, diligently ignoring Shane when he splutters, _well, thanks._ “I just want  _ you _ .” Ryan tugs on Shane’s hand, and Shane shuffles down the bed until he’s lying across from Ryan, Ruth asleep between them. He cups Shane’s face in his palm, strong and absolutely sure of himself. “I just want you, and Ruth,” his thumb is pressing into Shane’s jaw, “ And I want everything that comes with that.” His eyes are sparkling, warm, and full of so much  _ love _ , Shane’s skin tingles with it. “And that includes sick babies.”

 

A laugh bursts out of Shane. It sounds wet and emotional, but he ignores that, along with his stinging eyes, and says, “Okay.”

 

Ryan smiles back at him, leaning forward carefully, minding Ruth, and presses a kiss to his forehead. Any negative emotion Shane was feeling dissolves instantly.

 

“I’m sorry for not calling you about Ruth right away, too,” he adds.

 

“Like I said before,” Ryan starts loudly, glancing at Ruth before quieting his voice. “Like I said before, you  _ better  _ be, what if—”

 

“See, I knew you would freak out like this.”

 

“Shut up, Shane. Let me finish, because, god forbid, if something more serious happens in the future—”

 

“Hey,” Shane stops his rant before it can start. “I love you.”

 

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I love you too. But  _ listen _ —”

**Author's Note:**

> This was short and hopefully sweet. I have one more work planned for this series, so stay tuned. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are nice? You can also yell at me on [tumblr](http://werewolvesau.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
